For the first time I feel like I have effectively communicated how manipulative she was. I cared about her... still do, just in a different light - spite what a b*tch she was, she still human.
I wanted to hear what she had to say, what she had to say was important to me . She exploited this - to no end. The feeling something was wrong, the evidence right in front of me. When she was with me, the words took over she pushed so hard. When we were in different places, or I when I knew she was having sex with others, my intuition... aka 'Spidey Senses' said something was wrong very.
The storm of whiplash was not a result of my crazy temper, or foul mood. It was a result of having a feeling something was wrong, changed by only her manipulations, changed again when something was wrong again.
It is like someone shaking the boat and crying it is making them sea sick.
Their were a few points that made me just a little bit angry - like a nerve twitching. Much improvement over the storm of anger that used to consume me. Maybe a point of my anger was centered in the inability to effectively communicate the difficult position she had put me in; the inability to justify why I was acting and feeling the way I was feeling - Dara's explanation was like a smothering blanket: I was crazy, jealous insecure human being. Or maybe I tolerated her new found sexual behavior better than most.
But still...
Je t'aime idiot!!!
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Just because someone may have "hurt" you or you may not like them, does not give you the right to exploit them like this over the internet. You say she's immature, but you're just as bad because you're posting things like this about this girl without her permission. Sure, it hurts, yeah, okay, I will give it that, but move on. Getting people who know nothing about her to hate her all because of a bad experience is wrong. Yeah, okay, it's well known over google. Google knows EVERYTHING. It's shit like this that make people off themselves. My mother always told me to never hold a grudge because that grudge, it controls you. So, if you have a grudge against this girl, either let it go and move on, or simply don't post it up for others to see.
ReplyDeleteI have the right to post up how someone hurt me, any place I choose. I don't need her permission as much as she needed my permission to go fuck justin, chris, loose her first... when we were engaged. 1st Ammendment, enjoy! This was the tool I needed to get over it. She didn't want to talk about it, I went to her FIRST, then everyone else. And EVERYTHING about this girl isn't even touched in this - I kept it relationship issues only.
ReplyDeleteShe took a secret and played her grandmothers experiences with her spouse, played her employer and my friends (they fig it out on their own though), beat me with it, battered me with it, left me feeling like a piece of shit when I did nothin wrong.
And yeah, afte this, I wanted to off myself too - pretty damm bad. She was my everything. Does any of that count?
There isn't a day that goes by... it's not anger anymore - my anger is released - it's just sadness to know the transission from what we were, to what we have become.
This isn't about some girl who just decided she wanted to move on from a relationship - this is emotional abuse, so bad it took me a year and a half to discharge my anger. "Yes, I will marry you," to fucking around, to denying it, "You're wasting my firsts," I'm some monster that is destroying a moment I worked so hard and invested so much to make so wonerful? A moment at the time clearly didn't even matter to her - but it was leverage.
Then to leave, with all of this over my head. Was I not suposed to PUBLICLY comment on how she claims I hit her?
I hope she doesn't kill herself. I hope she is as strong as me. All she had to do was let me know what happened. When I asked, I was told, "IF you haven't figured it out yourself you're not going to."
It took days after she found this on Easter - wow how karma is a bi+ch b/c I had no control on how or who or when she would find out. She calls the cops. Few days later... yeah, some things I need to add for future boyfriends.
The secret she used to batter me, is her's and hers to keep. I figured out enough on my own to sleep at night now.
This blog is my experiences, and mine to keep and post how I will.
If she wants to compromise, since we both possess something that really hurts one another - I'm open.
March 10 is the date I let go of her. Easter, when my pain was no longer mine - but now her's and she can keep it.