Removing the Blog

It has come to my attention this page has been getting some attention - now being the first search result under Google when you search her name.

This has the potential to be so damaging to her. If at some point in time, she feels like she can put down her manipulations and scripts - I really wont need this page. Face me, explain to me what happen in detail, and a few other expectations to be met (No money, no sex/no rash - please ). I don't need a "Sorry" I'm pretty sure she looks back on these initial events with Justin in a good light spite her actions destroying other aspects of her life. The way she backed up when Kimmie criticised her date at Whitemarsh AMC demonstrates she has not matured much in the past year - still highly manipulated by public opinion.

Don't expect to hear from you, anytime soon. When you are ready, I'm easy to find very.

But still...
Je t'aime idiot!!!

Now - Can You See?

For the first time I feel like I have effectively communicated how manipulative she was. I cared about her... still do, just in a different light - spite what a b*tch she was, she still human.

I wanted to hear what she had to say, what she had to say was important to me . She exploited this - to no end. The feeling something was wrong, the evidence right in front of me. When she was with me, the words took over she pushed so hard. When we were in different places, or I when I knew she was having sex with others, my intuition... aka 'Spidey Senses' said something was wrong very.

The storm of whiplash was not a result of my crazy temper, or foul mood. It was a result of having a feeling something was wrong, changed by only her manipulations, changed again when something was wrong again.

It is like someone shaking the boat and crying it is making them sea sick.

Their were a few points that made me just a little bit angry - like a nerve twitching. Much improvement over the storm of anger that used to consume me. Maybe a point of my anger was centered in the inability to effectively communicate the difficult position she had put me in; the inability to justify why I was acting and feeling the way I was feeling - Dara's explanation was like a smothering blanket: I was crazy, jealous insecure human being. Or maybe I tolerated her new found sexual behavior better than most.

But still...
Je t'aime idiot!!!

Book of Mindf**k

I promised not to allow anyone to read this. One day going through my backpack Amy discovered a green spiral bound book that Dara had pulled together.

I have thought this over in my head for weeks. What am I protecting? Her interests, her privacy, or her mistreatment and manipulations?

The first entry was recorded 02/01/09. She understood that her influence or the weight of her lies would leave when she was no longer with me so she put together this book to study while she was gone.

I need to get this out of my system and maybe some people viewing this blog may be able to remember back in 11/08 and 1/09 when she was seeing Justin and Will - multiple affirmations that when she composed below is a lie. Additional conformation that these putdowns, kick me around for being such an angry unreasonable person are actually founded. Yes, I called her a liar, I called her a cheater - spite my anger when I was with her I never ONCE called her a whore, slut, tramp, bi**h, whore... I never put her down - just accused her of doing things that she was actually doing. I may have had the names switched - but the actions are the same.

I'm sorry Gavin might have to grow up fine... without my help.

I'm sorry that I even feel like I have to help you guys will be fine... who really needs a nice home anyway? [She had many ideas for decoration and layout to my townhome in Joppa] It is no longer my place to be concerned for you or him.

I'm sorry you cheated on me and I didn't have the heart to cheat on you.

You didn't cheat on me because I supposedly cheated on you - you cheated on me because it felt good, exhilarating, it was the ticket that got you in the door to hang out with Chris and his friends.

I'm sorry for unclear communications.

I'm really sorry that how... eventually... you will be having sex with someone else. This is not how it was supposed to be.

So you're the only one that should be having sex with other people - I should remain celibate and wait for you to figure out what you want to do? I know you didn't kiss these people when you had sex with them? Because when we played around out of habit you locked your mouth tight. What was the deal with that?

I'm sorry that we... that I'm going to be more emotionally scared for life over this. Guess it is a learning experience though! ha

I'm sorry I don't have anymore tears to cry over this. I'm so tired.

I'm sorry no one can be happy anymore.

I'm sorry you are my bestest friend!

I'm sorry I loved you too much and didn't tell you how much all of the time.

You didn't really love me- I was part of your fan club - someone who emotionally supported you, made you feel great - if you truly LOVED me you wouldn't have been in this mess. Now since you lost me, stewed on my absence... maybe - maybe not.

I'm sorry you are a wee bit crazy!

I'm sorry that since we got deep in this mess a feeling I had for you... not sure which one... kept coming and going since the week after you went inside the most and we started to fight again... it left and hasn't come back since.

It has never stayed away, why do you have to chase it?

I'm sorry I didn't want to call 'Lettuce' [Chris Z.]... and look like a moron. You have the trust issues - you call him! I do want this to be cleared up but for some reason if he said we didn't do anything, I don't think you would be very accepting of the answer. You are so set in your mind.

And you don't think he would try to cover his ass?

"Wake up. Smell the breakup

Fix my heart, put on my makeup

Another mess I didn't plan."

-Song Quote

What exactly did you plan?

If we did end up gong our separate ways, it wouldn't be because i am like everyone else. I am not like everyone else and I would appreciate it if you would stop thinking i am. Stop trying to make it seem like i am. It would be because i already 'Made my case' you can not believe me because of your reasons. It's really hard to continue with that doubt in a relationship... as you know i need you to trust me. i need you to know that i am a good person. i need to goto bed!

This was her response to me pointing out the indicators that she was cheating. She was different from the other girls so her behavior, hip bone getting bigger, Justin's bloody lil present she left me, gap in her butt, all-of-the-sudden sexual awakening.... I knew Dara for a year. Some would tell me that I don't know Dara - but yes I do. I just don't know this girl that came back from Chris's/Justin's house that night. It was like they killed her and replaced her with a highly sexually aware clone.

[New entry - really bad handwriting]

f**k it! i;m sick of trying to convince you of the truth. what - ever!

I'm sick of you telling me what i did wrong and how i f**ked up all the tie

i'm sick of you being so f**king ignorant!

you piss me off that you think i am that way. And you tel other people. how f**ked up is that?

[New Entry - normal handwriting]

i am sorry for your cycle of pain and confusion.

I am sorry that you keep trying to convince me that i did something wrong to you. i wasn't even going to do anything with him! [Chris]

I'm sorry that you have a turbulant past.

Another reason why it should be in my head because I have been cheated on before.

i'm sorry some of your ex-girlfriends were less that good to you and i'm sorry you have difficulty distinguishing the differences between us.

i'm sorry i wont get to hang out over your mom's house, or take her for walks.

She picks the dammedest of times... Mother comes down with Cancer, A long time close friend gets swallowed in a housefire, to go right along with this. My mother initially liked her, even when she cheated on me - but when she started to become vindictive it even started to leave a bad taste in her mouth too.

i'm sorry that we even have to take some time apart. its scary to no know if we will come back to each other after that, or if you, or I, will meet someone else. thats not what this is about though.

im sorry that what i said was misconstrue. i didn't tell you what you wanted to hear. i didn't ever mean it that way

I'm sorry that you are going around giving everyone the wrong impressions.

I'm sorry that you (and your mom) cant deal with your spidey sences not being 100% right all the time! Or even 50%

My mom had an interesting take on Dara. It would piss Dara off to no end that I could tell something was wrong.

i'm sorry that you feel that you can not trust me.

i'm sorry that i waited for you to start my new book [Reading Twilight and sequels together]

I'm sorry I would of done anything for you

I'm sorry my heart hurts.

I am sorry i got you a special valentines present. Worked hard on it too... and for what?

Yes, I still have the recording of Dara 'putting my present down' when V asked her what I did for the valentines day.

I'm sorry we have to hate each other now.

i'm sorry that i almost don't even care what you think Anymore.

I'm sorry I tried to be nice to you through all this, you don't deserve it. your not just insecure like i thought. And im sorry i defended you to everyone and made myself look like an idiot

I'm sorry you are not making more out of yourself! what happened to the sign language thing? gave up pretty quickly huh?

I'm sorry your a slob, your not going to drag me down

i'm sorry that i can even come to you anymore. all i needed was a hug, it would make it better.

i'm sorry that you cant/wont be there for me tomorrow. i really needed you... i'll get over it.

i'm sorry that you like to blame me for all kinds of things try and make me feel guilty. real mature.

p.s. it doesn't work

i'm sorry your 'Share department' is closed

i'm sorry i trusted you too much.

I'm sorry that now there will be now man around the house to change light bulbs and to remove the dead mices.

I will miss your smell and your cuddley snuggle bug love. you thought play was casual but it was not supposed to be casual. it not fair. none of this is. you are the one that gets to sleep around in this relationshop. Seriously how many peple have you slept with since i met you? 2 atleast but probably more than that! 3? 4? sure thats ok. blame me for your sexual misconduct. this is so rediculeus, i almost feel very sorry for you.

I'm not sure what she means by play being casual - like sexually playing around, no.

This is a good question. We met on Tuesday November 27, 2007. There was an icestorm that night. I was living with my g/f Kimmie at the time... had sex with her - that's 1

Broke up with Kimmie - she moved out Friday December 28, 2007. Started going out with you Thursday, January 10th, 2008.

Between January 10th and March 3rd noticed by the movie stubs (and other indicators not listed here) that you were dating someone else - had the feel that you were not really interested in me. When you lied about your date your guitar necklas vanished, then later your phone malfunctioned and camera malfunctioned at the same time. You were dating someone else.

At the end of January Kimmie picked up that we were having problems - early February started a romance with Jenn S.

Still at 1.

I couldn't tell you this when we were fighting because it would only look retaliatory, but you wanted to hear I was sleeping with Jenn before we went back out again - and you didn't want to put it down. There was a romance - nothing you were not doing yourself.

Monday March 3, 2008 - my birthday you invite me over to dump me after giving me little presents - developed a hate for chocolate skittles. Still at 1.

March 4th - you try to fire up a relationship on myspace using Queencphoenix.

March 5th - it was nice to have a sexual relationship again after waiting for you for almost 3 months.

We are at 2 - not together anymore, but I still knew of you.

March 19 - I come over your house to get my stuff and you convince me to remain friends with you - only because your myspace friend flopped.

Detached from Jenn and started seeing Kimmie again in April, but not going out.

We became official again sometime in May, and when you refered to the relationship you wouldn't subtract our time apart. From May to the time we broke up I stayed faithful very.

Tuesday November 18, 2008 (we met on a tuesday) you had me to believe you had a friendship with Chris - you experienced your first time having sex, with someone other than your boyfriend (I thought it was Chris because Justin was going out with Drew and thats where your obsession revolved - smart tactic though).

Thursday you let me discover the mess Justin made by taking your v-card -

Friday November 23, 2008 you threw us away - going back for more.

Alot of our fighting can be described in the passages above and below.

Friday December 19, 2008 - I left you a letter on your porch indicating I couldn't trust you anymore- you were once again unreachable.

Sunday December 21, 2008 to Saturday March 28, 2009 - Try to work it out, clear up the mess in hopes of becoming official again.

Saturday March 28, 2009 - Just, DONE. I walked out on her Walk To Remember - I guess it will be a walk to remember.

After leaving the letter for you on December 19th, I went over to my friend Jamaica's house to spend the night - hooked up with one of her room mates after 7 months of patiently waiting for you. That would make 3.

Saturday morning around 10am you had very sad sex 2 times. You know when I sleep with someone else - but there is no way for me to know when you sleep with others? Another one way street.

First week of January you started sleeping with Will. (Thought it was Mark, that was who she had the dirty convo's with on her phone) You were even sleeping with him when Joy died - you just couldn't give it up could ya? Mid way through January when you could tell I was sleeping with other women the day after you sleep with Will, you put him down for a little while. - Whole time screaming 'I'm a virgin' This puts you at 2? 3? 4? More???

After 10 weeks of being sexually active and cutting yourself off from other people you pull out a Cinder Road condom and let me in a little. I wouldn't consider this having sex, or a meaningful sexual relationship because I had to do exactly what you wanted me to do - being the respectful person I obliged. I promised to keep this a secret - but Justin was allowed to tell all his friends and it's a painful point of manipulation I need to get out so I can move on.

So how many people did you have sex with while you where screaming Virgin? Many of the persons who hang out at the 7-11 knew you were seeing other people - you could see it on their face when I walked in the door. You would attribute it to me breaking up with you, that they were confused as to why I was their - but I know that look I was given.

'indirect a**hole' is a better word for you. your going to text me with all these messages and then put a 'love' on the end, yeah that makes it alllll ok.

i feel sad for you... very. i don't doubt that you are a good person. i think you mean well.

i really honestly think you are so crazy though... but does it matter? hmm

I'm sorry that you did read my notebook [these passages] (gasp!)

that you would laugh. thats why its not for you... i prob wouldn't say a lot of these things to your face. but despite what you think i try not to hide things and keep things from you - anyone. So therefore you are welcome to read whenever you want to. you are not welcome to try and use it against me anymore though

There are many instances where she would manufacture clues and leave them behind for me to discover - so she knew I remained in her control - like leaving a dirty text conversation on her cell phone between herself and Mark, when in fact she was seeing Will at the time. - Slick chick very?

I'm sorry that your allowed to make me change my mind about some things.

Her response would typically be, "Your making me believe something I didn't do..."

im sorry that you are so powerful and convincing. OMG

i am sorry you are so sad

STOP

FUCKING

WITH MY

EMOTIONS!

i want to need you

i shouldn't need you!

talk about your one way streets and double standards

[new entry]

i'm sorry that your the type that has problems when i hang out with others without you (never had this problem when you went out of state with 'Bullfrog' or your ex's friend until you cheated on me. My inscurity is unreasonalbe? Think you're right it is, I should have left you that first Friday - leaving me to be insecure with nothing) i don't see thee people all the time, i do see you all the time so i gail to see a problem. if i was hanging out with them everyday, or week even would be another story. (I believe if you are going out, and you have oppisite sex friends - you should have the oppertunity to know them - and get to know them well before sending them out on dates and hanging out. Knowing we are in this 'Work-it-out period is this something she should have done? She wanted to 'Hang Out' with Kevin, her ex boyfriends best friend (and her reputation with best friends, ha) I said I was ok with it. But when I wanted to meet up with them when I got off work I was told, "Kevin doesn't want you here." - starting another fight) No one wants to hang out with you anyway! Maybe if you were nicer, and didn't treat me like this then they would.

71% of women say being treated unfairly makes them angrist.

talk about wip lash! Depressed, happy, sad, impressive, crazy, go nuts. all in the course of a day... woah!

Why would you not want me to go out and havea good time? you would rather me stay at home on vday waiting for you to get off when you do get if i'm supposed to drop what i'm doing to include you? Sorry it doesn't work like that. you want to take me out? Cool, take me out! but not when i already have plans. you prob wont anyways. Jim got called in on a out of town job. leaving my friend Jess at home alone on vday. She ended up going ot to a dance or something with JJ and friends. long story short JJ and Jess dated recently when Jim and Jess broke up momently because he was being a jerk. They spend alot of time together, somethimes with Jim, mostly without. They have something that we are so obviously lacking.(Jenn's lack of desire to be cool and be a tramp?) he was happy that she got to get out and have some fun and not just sit around on vday. He prob wished it was him but he didn't turn into a jelous crazed Jerk over it. they will prob do something when he gets back from work. they were engaged. he started pulling similiar shit i gather, not as bad though.. she gave him one more chance but if he messed up again she would have to be done with him. it wasn't fair to her. This isn't fair to me?! how many chances have you had? way more than 2 or 3 or 4...! i love you but i don't think you are going to change. are willing to change or even think that you have anything to change. i do not like you thinking what you think but i have realized that i can not change it and i give up trying to! i need to find someone who doesn't have so many insecurities and who doesn't f**k with my head and my heart so bad. Someone who doesn't think that they can say all the s**t they want to me but then follows it with an, im sorry i love you. thats nice and all bit it doesnt give you a free pass to talk shit. maybe someoen who is more even and doesn't go from one extreme to another in 32 seconds. Someone who doesn't try to make me feel bad all the time for bad things not even done! (Yes, I know you didn't sleep with Chris at first, it was Justin. Does this make it better?) Someone who doesn't think I have such malicous will. Someone who can use proper grammer and spelling. Someone who doesn't expect my world to actually revolve around them. Someone more secure in themselfs (I'm secure with myself... but after the s**t you pulled I wasn't secure with us) and in a relationship, someone that understands things about me, and understand me and is not so... needy... clingy? (I have noticed and ugly cycle in love. When one lover feels like the other lover is leaving, they get clingy... and their clingyness usually pushes them over the line to ending the relationship) i don't know the word. untrusting or he is not working, though i don't know if that was even the issue the other night. Someone that doesnt monopolize my time. there is time for you. there are times for other things also. (my favorate was when she told me I needed to go find a hobby to concintrate on while she goes tramping) you want to think i am always setting you up and what not you go right ahead. Maybe next thing u can tell me: had sex with Kevin (I believed they kissed - but I don't think she screwd him on vday). After all he is my type right? Older, bald, and big stomach. Just can't get enough baby! (Later in March she did say something to the effect of that most people can't see it but Kevin has attrative qualities) Kevin is a way nicest friend anyway, atleast when he comes out o work and shaves himself! (Love it when she is mad how she nit-picks... dirty cloths on the floor, then my grammer, spelling... now shaving!) he knows what kind of person i am. i have to get up soon, work. early. worked late. i am truly sorry that you got hurt the other day, that ws never my attenions [the way she spelled it] nor would i ever purposly hurt you. (or anyone for that matter.) but this is going to a new low and it completly unexeptable! "hell you did liar." when I told you I wsnt setting you up. Sorry. NO.

A friend, excpecially a boyfirned is supposed to make you feel happy not degraded and crummy! you make me feel happy sometimes, alot of times i am with you but all the other times it is the opposite. Not good for a long time.

But a girlfriend is to make you feel like a fool, not worthy of sexual relations, not cool enough to hang out with your friends 90% of the time, wait 6 months to meet new found friends? Ha!

"i forget about you long enough to forget why i need to"

'you broke my f***ing heart but i still want you.'

'too bad theres something you wont know. it's rather important too. but yeah... oh well'

This is how she would address her virginity - that I would never know it was still there - even though it was gone 3 months prior....

Another one was, "I would tell you something that important!"

Sure, ok.

i didn't make this mess!

Goldy locks? Gavin? the rapy? feellike i am totall going to need that bg the time this is over, your f***ing with my head my friend. love? Hate? Sex? Want?

stop making me want you so bad right now. k thanks by

you give me goosebumps baby so cold without you

how am i supposed to do this all by myself? *sigh* maybe after some time...

i am/was serious now.

did you ever think the reason i keep a secret even though it is no longer a secret and wach everyting crumble is because I have nothing more to tell you, believe me if i did i would so want to tell you so we could be happy again. (I told her that for me to forgive her, to move past it, she is going to have to discuss it bring it out in the open and give me some time to swallow it. it was her secret, and she wasn't going to budge) i so miss you too much. I don't know what you heard but thats pretty f***ed up. Everything and everyones against us. i guess that means theat we loss out. No longer lovers, no longer friends? that sucks... even if we still had to be apart. dam i so wish you know everthing that happened with him, with you, with everyone. ill miss you my friend. (I stil don't know what happened with everyone... but I have a pretty good picture. I don't expect one day you will enlighten me... but maybe someone out there familure with some of the pieces of this very complicated situation can provide a crisp clear picture as to what happened)

I am so sorry for what happened to us. we were indeed meant to live for so much more. i do have regrets but not really (I don't think you are sorry for what happened - I don't expect you to be. You may be sorry you let me go though... maybe not... honnestly in my heart i don't care if you miss me or not) i did all that i could i think i do really want to call him + let you see but i think now, either way you are so far gone, would it matter? 443-386-51**

i'm sorry that i don't even blame you. i do. but since you truly believe that i was trying to play you and all that horrible stuff i so wasn't. dispite what you think, i am not that (type of person) and never will be. but if it was the case i wouldnt blame you one bit. (It is the case, and you did blame me - you probably still do - in my heart since I started this blog I don't care anymore if you blame me or not) and thats what you genuinley believe the case to be (I used to flip flop on it, not sure, not clear, confused. The things she would say to confuse me. Now, yes I do) :\

i'm scared of loosing you. even though i know i lready have. i so wish i didn't. i still need you (Fan club!)

i was never ever trying to lay with you or make you look like a fool. you dont need my help for that

and no... i am not happy (Then why didn't you knock it off?)

Im sorry! i don't know what to do! bye? :(

Thank you for the good times i wish we could have more of them

i know you believe you cant trust me enough to believe the things i say...

i gave everthing to you and you don't even know it. how sad!

Another "I was her first and didn't believe it' guilt trip - because she let me rub and go inside an inch before pretending the experience was painful. At this point in the relationship she had slept with Justin, Chris, Will, and my friend V)

It's kinda sad, because she was such a control freak, there are some things she will never experience - sorry, but not really. Just sad.

i need to focus on other things anyway.

i dreamt last night. we were happy together again

emotional abuse? maybe she knew someting that i didn't yet know

[New Entry]

[Songs]

[Songs]

[Songs]

'Your foolish to do this' yeah i know that

i think maybe you have an undiagnosed case of multiple personality disorder its maddening! who are you today?

Maybe I am a result of something you created that I just learned how to manage. Shame on me for letting it go for this long.

i am so done with this

i'm sick of wasting everything i have on you, + you not even knowing or apperiationg it.

'i don't think honesty is ever something you should regret. i figure if im going to cover things up + try to hide the way i feel + try to be perfect all the time, people are going to see through that. And also, if you're trying to change yourself all the time to adapt to what you think should be, you're going to run out of the things to be after a while.

-T.S.

Indicators

Something else my buddy had said that I met up with the other day when I wrote Words From the Wise http://daradebus.blogspot.com/2010/03/words-from-wise.html

He had suggested the age gap. When I met Dara she was 24, I was 30 = 6 year gap... I can't dismiss this, but even Dara noted herself that most of her Facebook friends were getting married and having children. She probably wont stand at the alter and not wonder what a unique and cool wedding we could of had, what kind of father and husband I would have been, or father I could have been to our children. Her grandmother brought up the point to her that Gavin would always be my favorite. She needs to go with a rich man. I tried to explain to her that rich people have money. Money is a possession... people are stripped of their possessions all of the time... and rich people cope by placing a bullet in their head when they loose there money. I managed to raise a 5 year old little boy without living with mom and dad with a high school education and an A+ Certificate from Comp TIA. Not rich, not poor, and I know how to survive... knock on wood of course!

When I met her and for our first year together she didn't have sex, declared she didn't want to have sex until she was married. I thought she was looking to settle. We didn't even start getting into each others pants until October '08 (We met November '07) or should I say she let me get into hers a little bit. I thought she was shy when she had little interest in my body but it really opened concern when she was so interested and would gaulk at pictures from Chris's Myspace of Chris and Will standing naked concealing their pence's with only an old telephone and a bottle of booze (Myspace prohibits nudity... but since they are covered...) That in itself should have been an indicator to walk away, but this was late February '09.

She was always late. I would joke with her, "You're going to be late to your own wedding, and funeral!"

She would reply, "No way. I would never be late to my own wedding!!!" The wedding of my friend in Reading, PA... I can't say she made me late... but she was a significant contributor - we missed the entire ceremony and the Reading Bride gave up, called us when we where balancing off the rails at the Pagoda so disappointed in her voice when she called me, "I guess you're not coming" and I replied with,

"No, we are at the Pagoda waiting for direction."

The bride screamed!

We were shortly on my way.

Had a bit to drink... socialised with the guests, retreated to a campsite for the night.

I let her sleep on top of me the entire night because the ground hurt her back. I laid perfectly still all night long without an issue. I woke up comfortably. I usually toss and turn and have issues if I lay to still for to long.

I never once growled at her for making me late for the wedding. I got to keep her that night, I was happy. I let her breath. She had a date once to Tyson's Corner to meed a rockstar with another guy. Asked a few questions, but I was ok with it. It didn't ring of problems. I wanted to let her breath.

If I ever had house work... I could never get her to join in and make it fun... unusual.

Age gap... I would disagree... Maturity however...

Not being cool enough
Hard time holding a job
Being late for just about everything
All the lies
Deep attraction to other men

Should have been a clue before I bought that ring. I listened to my heart, I took a chance, placed a bet, stood by her...

Rafaela woke me up this morning asking me, "Why is it that the people I'm interested in are not interested in me; and the people who are interested in me I am not interested in them? John, I really don't understand this!" My reply, "This reminds me of a movie called 'Rules of Engagement' about collage dorm life centered around 4 or 5 different people who rejected one another. It's what makes the few relationship that you had that perfect click and mutual attraction so precious."

So maybe those precious moments really don't exist - all one sided. Maybe I was the one crazy for her, but meant nothing to her.

I read her letters to Kain http://www.letterstokain.blogspot.com/ in detail, saved them to my pen drive and file locker. There is so much in me that is me, and so much that isn't me, and so much that isn't her. Prince of Orion asked her to explain details of the relationship (she dose not, just how much she misses him) and she did not. I can only assume they are not of me...

I need to move on - another step.

But still...

Je t'aime idiot!!!

Anger Stripped - Just Sadness

I'm not clear as to why, but the last few days my anger toward this issue has been replaced by worry with remaining sadness. I don't trust it not to return.

My tree is finally starting to die. The needles are beginning to become hard but remain green. Too bad you're not here to see it for yourself.

Je t'aime idiot

Kimberly Traggorth

You're kind and sweet
Soft to the touch
Inpatient sometimes,
But not too much.

A break in the clouds
You present to me
In times of great need
There you be

Your loyalty, my debt
I wish circumstances met
We love each other
But a relationship,
Just wont let.

Spite complications
Parental recommendations
We keep each close
Even if it means
I become the roast!

Times of abandonment
Job I couldn't just do
I found someone else,
And their, I flew.
However there are some things
You never knew
How close
I stayed to you

A bond we have
She will never know
She will envy
Till she resides
With the late
Ms Flow

Amy B

She stands short, not much higher than five foot- zero
But don't let them blue eyes fool you
She can be feisty
Ask the girl in the Burger King window

She isn't smart the same way others are smart.
Spelling, grammar, math
She may struggle
This shouldn't leave a persons' value
A pile of rubble

Roads,
Find a bridge, a town
She has been to before
How they all interconnect with one another
In her head - it's one big encore

This skill relates to
Other life matters
Map them like a street
A mental obstacle now beat
Putting together American History
How and where
The Confederacy would meet
Pieces leading to their defeat

Need help finding the remote
In a pile of clutter?
She can pick it out
In a moment,
Before I could studder.
She can find that needle
In a haystack
Dig it out,
Give it back.

A loyalty wired deep
She would derail a freight train
If she couldn't
Then trade places and pain
With only one small umbrella to share
I would be dry in the rain

Like any human being
She is blessed with faults
If you look much past
You may see a valued vault