Where did we unravel?

I think this is a great spot to list all of my adventures - things I have done and created that I think you would have liked to be included in. To finish were I left off...

We ran out of bread to make french toast. So I found some hot dog rolls, scraped the skin off of the tops and made french toast sticks... a rich egg batter, family recipe... turned out wonderful!

Shoveling out... easier than I thought - the wind blew off most of the snow. I wish you were included in these moments.

This time last year, Valentines Day. I didn't wish you, or expect you to be alone waiting for me most of the day. I did expect you to make some room for me though - a telephone call, a surprise at my door or at my work would have been nice. This year, much nicer - thank you!

I'll never forget your conversation with V at Denny's though - I left you just a Balloon, and a cheap box of chocolates with a stuffed animal. She didn't care how big the balloon was, or how much work I put into balancing, wording on the blank card, though with everything going on I couldn't open a poem for you. She made it quite clear that she expected riches and an elaborate gifts. Like the now out-of-date Rockband Drum set She lost her virginity for - I'm glad they beat me to it b/c even if I had got it for her I still wouldn't have been cool enough to have any sexual relations as her boyfriend. I tried to tell her the connection you can have with your first - like the one I still have with today with mine. Somehow I suspect she has little to no relations with Justin after I broke up with her. You missed out Dara baby. You were not going to listen to me at all - you considered anything I had to say as an attempt to manipulate you away from the tide that swoop you up, and apparently spit you out cold.

On the subject of sexual relations, at first I was pretty devastated that she completely excluded me out of your sex life. But after speaking to the few that were WILLing to talk to me, I have been told you're a meadeoaker f*** that comes with a bad rash under the balls. V will tell you it's not a rash, its a fungus. Nothing a Dr's visit to obtain a steroid-cream/antifungul-cream and an antibiotic can't cure. This is not considered and STD. It can remain untreated for months and even years with no harm other than a periodic itch. If it spreads it can kill you - it put me in the ER. [V is one of my close friends she started having sex with - will elaborate down the line. ]

I have decided I may make notes like above, but generally I am going to stay in chronological order. At times I may have to jump out of order to explain a current event. Try to stay with me, ask questions if you like.

A guy named Chris Zaccari and cliche that hangs around him had caught the attention of Dara as they hang around the local 7-11. They have a reputation for being something similar to a 'Swing Group'. He had followers, money, little overhead costs of living, tattoos - I couldn't compete with this. Chris invited her to a 'Party' one Sunday night when she was off work early to mid November.

She wouldn't give me an address, a full name, and when she lost touch with me I freaked. She was only there for 10 minutes, exchanging some personal information and then left. Her grandmother knowing Chris's grandfather encouraged Dara to go over there. I don't think her grandmother understood what Chris was involved with, or what he is about.

Dara made it quite clear it was inappropriate to be upset or flip out. In the year we had been together I never really flipped out on her. She opened the guilt trip - and it worked: about a $100 dinner at The Cheesecake Factory in Towson. Money clearly not well spent.

The weekend 2 weeks before Thanksgiving 2007 she hooked up with Justin who purchased her then $200 Rockband Drum Kit. A few days before she asked me to pick it up for her or do a "Joint Custody" thing with it. I reserved this for special events or special times - and having just put down a $500 deposit on an engagement ring the month before - she was the only girl I dated that I ever asked to marry me, she said yes. So who was really wasting who's firsts?

Sometimes after a bad day like the return from an unpleasant visit of the dentist I would surprise her with a special present. A nice surprise - an attempt to push her mind away from the pain. They beat me to it, I was pissed - now, glad because I would only be wasting my money.

That night after I got off of work and returned to her house I had an almost instant headache when I came into contact with her new toy. She said her father had purchased it. Later that night we slept together - we almost had always slept together. It was an innocent relationship - no sex. It stayed this way long after her sexual awakening. Any small attempts to engage in one she regarded as, "Highly Inappropriate!" In reality, I just wasn't cool enough :/

I awoke with really really bad dreams - the dreams I had before, when we fell apart the last time we had strayed apart from one another. She treated me coldly, like it was in my head. Later that weekend she set a date (Tuesday) to meet over Chris's house to learn some photography tricks. I was clearly not invited, when asked to meet him or check this out I was refused. I was given the speech, "Whats the matter, you don't trust me." Trying to explain to her that it wasn't her that I didn't trust, it was them. Seduction is an art, and some were good at it - with experience, chemistry, and status, and the right amount to drink anyone is subject to break. I couldn't explain this to her in her innocence with her lack of understanding. I tried... and I didn't give up without a fight. If I remember correctly it was her that left me b/c she couldn't deal with the anger she would spark in me while having the sexual relations - there was not logical explanation that she could conceive that I would know. I didn't have proof, so therefor I was being unreasonable. If I recal, "I don't need you anymore."

Tuesday came, she went over around 6. Around 11 this God awful feeling overwhelmed me, I could smell her, deep cramps. She lost touch - I cried myself to sleep.

Wednesday we met up at Whitemarsh AMC to catch Madagascar 2. I saw her and cried while she ignored me, focusing her attention on the new movie posters. She looked different. She was in shock. I watched the movie, but didn't see a bit of it. Returned to my house and messed around a little bit and noticed a condom smell from down below - yes she had me eat her out after f***ing Justin. I was in total denial at the time. While laying in bed she told me she wanted me to be her first - I was wowed, not knowing at the time it was long gone the night before. She talked about me, "Breaking her in," having sex with her a number of times and separate and not see each other for a period of time while we go on our own sexual adventures, get back together down the line and not have sex till we were married.

Thursday night I helped her clean up her bedroom. She left on the floor a pair of VERY VERY bloody underwear. I have lived with girls, this wasn't period blood - too watery. My jaw dropped, still in denial.

Friday night I woke to that smell and cramp. I left straight for Jacksonville and caught her off guard. Approaching the deserted intersection of Sweet Air and Papermill I called her and asked her," Whatcha doing?" She told me she was waiting at the very same intersection. That intersection was dead. I proceeded through and she swore she was there, turned around to find her zooming by - In a hurry are we?

I met up with her at her house and she had this glow to her - her innocence wasn't gone from her sexual encounter on Tuesday, it left her in shock. The second time, she really could enjoy it - and did. Everything - condom smell, underwear, glow, new gap in her butt, her uneasy aire all came together in a huge fight. I just walked out. She was able to manipulate it to make it my fault.

From this point on, our relationship was ruined. From end of November to March she tried to convince me that nothing happened - all in my head. In reflection the relationship wasn't destroyed on Tuesday, but Friday when she decided to go back for more.

Things that anger me the most, I ask her to marry me, she says yes and goes to f*** Justin. She says I get to have sexual relations to, "Break her in" but she has Justin, Chris, and Will do that for her. She towed me around, not sure what to do with me but she was sure she didn't want me with anyone else - in attempt to stay in chronilogical order this will be made clear.